Growing up I learned to work hard and be productive. Get things done, don’t be lazy. And now that I am grown up I can hear myself saying to my children “what are you doing lying around there? Get up and do something.”
Thinking about making that comment makes me wonder. Should we really be doing something all the time? Is being busy all the time really that productive?
When I flip through my diary’s and my “to do” lists I read “get more done’ and “be more productive” every other page. You must think it is a sign because I constantly feel overwhelmed by my work and the things I think I need to do to keep up with the world. Make more, write more, draw more, say more, start a podcast (before anyone else does) get that book published….(before someone else does)
In the last couple of years there have been some “defining moments’ , moments in which I understood I had to stop and listen. Coming out of the multi national fast fashion world I wanted to slow down and make one of a kind items. Within half a year of starting my label I had set up my own sweatshop and was making more dolls than I wanted. But money was made and bills could be payed. Everybody happy…..But I was also working all the time. Even though at home. I remember saying to my daughter “wait a moment I need to finish this” a lot and all the guilt that came with that.
After a chain of unfortunate personal and businesslike events I had that first defining moment. I can still see myself sitting in my studio realizing time is not money. Time is time and life is here and now. I had to stop and smell the roses. In my private life but also when I work. And so I did. I pulled out the plug and started over again (and there is the beginning of this blog).
I slowed way down and found the way back to more artisan work. (there is something about a needle, thread and your own hands) I minimalized my household, my schedule and my studio. Started working with waste making less waste. I started to use natural dyes and implemented a more mindful way of working. You would think I had it all figured out.
Just before I took my summer break and went to spend some time with my beautiful family in Australia, I had another defining moment. “Was I really working mindful and slow?” Because, although I realize that life is here and now I still have to remind myself that with every breath I take. My ego still gets the best of me and before I know it I am on a flow of just producing (and selling) again….
It is like Pema Chodron explains, training your mind is like training a puppy dog. We need to be kind and compassionate. Screaming wont help. Just kindly whisper “stay” with every breath you take. stay, here and now stay…stay…stay…
this. is. it.
All I am imagining my life should be I am living it. The art I should make, I am making it.
stay. stay. stay.
In all honesty,